Q. My mother in law takes my baby out of my arms without asking my permission. She also passes my baby around to other people without my permission. How do I put a stop to this behavior without hurting her feelings?
answered by Em Cox, former Restaurant Owner and Operator at Quiznos Subs Restaurant (1998-2008)
I agree with the other review I read. When she attempts to come and take your child you put your hand up palm side facing her. It is the sign for stop.
Please listen. Mother-in-laws can be a great addition to your family but they can also wreck your home and marriage and abuse your children all the while acting holier than thou. Begin training her now and let her learn what is acceptable and what is not. She follows the rules or she doesn’t see her grandchild. She will soon learn how to act if she wants to see your child.
However with what you have said I don’t think I would leave my daughter alone with her because she will then do whatever the heck she wants regardless just to spite you. Been there done that! Luckily I caught my children’s grandmother right as she was getting prepared to abuse them and they begged never to go back. They did not and neither did I.
This was what all the world saw as the most Godly woman that was ever put on God’s earth and she was going to sexually assault my two boys. Then she tried to do the same to her male neighbor and he called me with the complaint. She was not mentally right, obviously, but this kind of stuff happens every day.
I would ask her to a room where it is just her, you, your husband and baby. Tell her you’re glad she wants to be an active grandparent and that a child cannot have too many people who love them BUT! Please don’t confront her alone because there will be no witness if she decides to talk you down to everyone else.
Raise that stop sign hand and say, “Were you wanting to hold your granddaughter?”
When she politely says ‘yes.’ I would somewhat do a single nod and say “the correct way to ask me is ‘May I hold my granddaughter please.’ I am offended and disrespected as her mother when you just walk up and take her out of my arms and commence with passing her around like a collection plate. She is young and doesn’t need all the germs from everyone.”
Your goal is to get her to ask with a ‘please’ included. Once she says “please Yes I would love to hold her.” It is your turn again to give her your expectations and gently say “there is one condition. I will allow you to hold her if you promise you won’t pass her around. That is not okay with me! She is young and some germs are okay but not to the extent that you are passing her around”
If she gives you any crap like “well germs won’t hurt them it will help her immune system yada-yada.” You stand straight with your shoulders back and say “Mother so and so, you have had your chance to raise your children how you want. Now it is our turn to raise our baby however we choose is best for her.”
I would let her know what is expected and just because you are in-laws or out-laws there is no reason for her not to be polite. It is very rude to just walk up and snatch a child away and pass that baby around where she is exposed to everything. I wouldn’t even walk up and remove my own child from a friend without asking or saying it’s time for her to nurse or what have you! Exposing her/him to germs is okay in small doses but not in a room with a lot of people or the church auditorium full of people. God entrusted this child unto your care and you have to do what you feel is best to love, protect and keep this child safe and healthy.
I don’t want you to think it is bad to have the baby around other people but that is sometimes seasonal. Even our pediatricians said to be more carful when it is flu season or with the measles and chicken pox going around. My youngest was a week or so old and contracted an awful flu from the hospital/birth. IT hits younger and older people harder. I took him to the hospital and they sent us home. HE didn’t get better and back I went some hours later. They admitted him and told us had we waited a few hours longer he would have died. We took him as quickly as humanly possible and still it almost wasn’t enough.
To Thorne Wilder,
I am no longer in school so I don’t need an editor on my spelling. Had you been courteous enough and written me in the comment section you would have known that I have told my story before. I have a learning disability and I also have a problem with my eyes tracking.
My mind moves at such a fast rate of speed that my fingers cannot keep up with my thoughts. (Sounds conceited? Not meant to be but it is simply the truth.) If I stop to make a correction I lose all train of thought and it is like starting all over so it is much better if I don’t try. It is too difficult for my eyes to tract this small print, even though I have made adjustments to the text size through the text settings under the computer setting choices. It, however, did not change the text size on this website.
If my spelling or grammar errors are that troubling for you then I suggest you no longer read my responses.
Freda Faulkner – Too many parents today are too careless with their new infants, even taking them out in public much too soon. Babies need to develop their immune systems, and it’s best done in a home environment with their family. That includes handwashing, no kissing, and I never touch a baby’s hands or face. It takes a long time to develop a competent immune system and the safety of the baby comes first, no matter the ‘hurt feelings’ of aggressive relatives.