Question : Have you ever found out your kid wasn’t yours by getting a paternity test? If so, what did you do and did you stay in the child’s life?
Answered by : Anonymous
A few years back, part of my job required me to travel back and forth between my home country and abroad. So I usually stayed 2-3 months home and abroad alternatively. I had a 3-year-old son and a side business which a few friends and I cofounded and my wife helped running the store on my behalf.
One day, I was abroad and got a phone call from my wife saying she was pregnant again. It was totally unexpected, but soon the happy feeling overcame the vague doubt I that had.
Fast forward a few years, I no longer have to travel for work and had 2 little boys that I love dearly. Everybody says my older son is a smaller version of me while the young one doesn’t look anything like me, not in the slightest. I never had any suspicion about our biological relationship until one day I found out a conversation between my wife and one of my friend (who was married and had a child. Let’s call him Ken) a few years back in which he confessed his affection for her. My wife denied any relationship between them and said that it was only Ken and that the love was not reciprocated.
I was shocked and could not believe Ken could do that to me, but it was just the beginning. Since then I had had this uneasy feeling. Somehow I knew my wife wasn’t telling the truth, but I have no way to find out. As my younger boy growing up, he takes after Ken. I told myself I needed to find out once and for all. I took DNA tests, twice. And as you can guess the two results confirmed that I was not the biological father.
I was lost. Not in my wildest dream can I imagine this would happen to me. I asked my wife to tell me the truth, and with the evidence at hand, she couldn’t deny it anymore and admitted to having an affair with my friend. My world collapsed. I walked away broken. I wandered for a month here and there thinking about what I did wrong and for what purpose I was living.
After I regain my sanity. I called my friend in the calmest way I can to inform him he had a son that he didn’t know of and told him I was ready to give him back. Then I called my wife and said I wanted a divorce and everything had been arranged for that to happen the earliest possible. I want revenge. “They have to pay for what they did to me.” I thought. I fully provided for my wife financially, she had no job and wouldn’t be able to support the child alone. Ken, on the other hand, was a successful businessman but he had a family with two daughters and I was sure he wouldn’t have the courage to tell his wife about this, and I was right. For almost a year when we were in the middle of the divorce, he never once visited his son nor provided any support for him.
So we agreed that my older son would stay with me and the younger one would live with his mother after the divorce. My older son is kind of smart. He can take care of himself. He learned the alphabet, colors, and shapes by himself by watching youtube when I was gone for business. The second one is not as smart. He’s soft and sentimental. You may ask how I feel about it after everything. I thought I would feel better now that I have my revenge. I was not. When my selfishness died down, I missed my younger son and the time we were together. I missed the time when he kissed me goodbye before I left for work on the sidewalk every morning and immediately ran to the front window, placed a chair so he could look outside and waved at me as I drove off.
As the divorce was closing (it was complicated because of the nature of our marriage), I dropped by one day to see him. His mother had to find a job, so she did not have the time to take good care of him as when they were living with me. He immediately dashed and hugged me as soon as I showed up at the doorstep. I got a look at him for a long time. He had a skin disease due to the hygiene of the water where he was living and obviously was not in good shape. When he asked “Dad, when will you pick me up and return to our home?”, I was in tear before I knew it. I spent the night with him that day. In his dream, he was crying: “Daddy, I want dad. Where’s my dad?”. At that moment, I realized how bad I was as a father. I failed miserably. I realized it didn’t matter if he’s my biological son or not. Our bond was real and strong. I love him, and he loves me. That’s all that matters. Why did I let my son suffer because of the mistake he didn’t make?
Fast forward a year, we’re now together again. I talked to my friend. We agreed the boy is MY son and he had to stay away from my family forever.
My sons are growing fast, happy, and loved. I’m happy I got them in my life. This fatherhood is something I wouldn’t trade anything for including a new marriage.
I love my sons and still learning to be a good father…