Elinor Greenberg, Psychologist, Author, Lecturer, and Consultant on Narcissistic Disorders
Everyone who has ever been cruelly discarded by a Narcissist that they loved, knows exactly what they need to hear to get some inner peace. Strangely, most Narcissists seem to have a good grasp of this as well.
My clients report that when their Narcissistic ex re-entered their life and tried to get them to resume the relationship, they said some version of the following things:
You are the only one I love.
I should have never left you.
I never stopped thinking about you.
Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life.
You are the most amazing person I know.
I never stopped feeling this incredible attraction to you.
Our chemistry is amazing!
No matter who I was with, all I could think about was you.
It was all my fault.
I was so stupid and immature.
I am back for good.
Let me make it up to you.
Please give me another chance.
If the above does not work, your Narcissistic ex may back off a bit and suggest something innocuous and harder to say “no” to as a way of getting back into your life.
Just meet me for coffee and give me a chance to explain.
Let’s go for dinner in that little restaurant we like.
I’m going to be in your neighborhood later. How about if I just stop by for a bit and we can talk?
I bought you a little present. I know you don’t want to see me and probably can never forgive me. But I want you to have it anyway. Can I come by and give it to you?
Punchline: Most Narcissists get plenty of practice trying to convince those they have hurt to give them another chance. Many are quite good at figuring out exactly what you want to hear and then saying it. In general, all their words and promises mean nothing. Even if they actually mean them for the moment, if they left you once, they are likely to do so again as soon as it suits them.
You know that old breakup line: It isn’t you. It’s me. Well, in the case of people with NPD, it is absolutely true!