Harmful Expectations: Selfishness Reveals Itself In Expectations

I think people are selfish Selfish is a relative term. Here, expectation is the problem. Higher expectation leads to disappointment. If you truly care for someone, you would know the level to which they can reciprocate. Always, know that level and expect accordingly. –  Soumik Ray

My problem is I care for others more than they do for me and that hurts me a lot.  – Do you like caring for others because your inner voice tells you or you just do in order to be acknowledged by somebody?”   If it is yes for the former question, then you should go ahead with what you feel for others and continue caring. Remember, “A man to please all is yet to born” so it is not your universal responsibility to care for everybody. Show concern and not care. Had people not been selfish, I would have been surprised. A relationship, be it friendship or love, it can never be a one sided affair. If you do care, they would reciprocate not necessarily in a way that you do but in a way that they are comfortable. Accept them and be kind to them how much ever eccentric they are or become.

What should I do? – if it is to be acknowledged, then receive  those from your loved ones, near n dear ones not from every other passing friend. Learn to know and adopt your priorities and act accordingly. You are smart enough to figure that out. A true person will always stay with you till the end irrespective of how you are. So choose them well:) – Ritwika Nath

Expectations. Everyone has them. We expect the car to start when we turn the key, the refrigerator to keep food cold, the vending machine to give us what we paid for and the light to turn on when we flip the switch. They are all around us, compelling us to trust them to do what we think they should do. But what happens when things don’t go the way we expect? We can become frustrated, annoyed, disappointed and even angry. When we start to bring our expectations into relationships, they can have similar emotional results on us and others involved.

This past year, I was becoming disappointed, easily annoyed and discouraged with many of my friendships. It took me a while to recognize that the reason for this was directly linked to the expectations I had for them. Only after this was I able to identify the deeper issue: selfishness. This quickly becomes a cancer in relationships, ready to snatch any piece of goodness out of them as it hides behind expectations. Since making this connection, I have been able to identify my own secret expectations and recognize that they are unreasonable.

1. Secret Expectations

Expectations begin to form themselves as we grow closer to the ones we care about. It doesn’t take long before we are familiar with their schedules, personalities and how we are typically treated by them. Somewhere along this process, we become used to the “way it is” and start to expect it. Our relationships continue to develop and this little grain of expectation nurtures itself into an assumption that because they “know you,” they will know how you want to be treated when you’re exited, moody or having a rough day. This can progress then to an assumption that they will be able to automatically know what we’re feeling. Body language doesn’t always read the right way. Without communicating verbally, we can’t assume that our friends will know exactly what is going on in our heads. Then when they don’t respond the way we think they should, we will become disappointed and frustrated with them. This is where the selfishness comes in….

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